Even in the darkest days, my hotline to God was never disconnected - Opinion - www.smh.com.au: "We witnessed the advent of jumbo jets, the computer"
This article by Michael Kirby really touched my heart. Far too often, we put principles ahead of people.

Lauren had to race down to Homebush last night because we discovered at the last minute that she was a reserve for the Final of the 50 Metre Butterfly. She loved it, but I think it showed this morning because she was a little tired. So far she has swum 3 PBs and one just over.

Lauren's results from Nationals. She is doing well. Many of her times are not her best ever, but they are improving and looking good for the future.

On Saturday I started preparation for painting the Kitchen and Family Room. I have a feeling that this is the start of a full painting of the inside of the house. I guess we need it. I think it is almost 15 years since we painted downstairs. I am taking three days off work this week to paint. Hopefully I will get a lot done, but Donna keeps raising these other things I have to do. "Adam is going in a triathlon. It will only take two hours" "Can you drop in and buy ... on your way home". Oh, well, I will do what I can and move on from there.

I just arrived in Auckland (almost two hours ago) and amazed amazed at how I have fallen for the hype. It is so easy to think of myself as important because I am flying in a plane and staying at a nice hotel. I went straight from the airport to the hotel to check my clothes in. I caught myself being disappointed because the room was not as luxurious as the one I had last time I was here. Last time I had a two bedroom apartment. This time it is sort of a one bedroom with kitchen facilities and washing machine. Still quite comfortable, but because of my expectation from the previous time, I found myself being disappointed.

I am typing this at Sydney Airport where I am waiting for a flight to Auckland. I will be away for a week, setting up a pilot for some software I am working on at work.

Naturally, this is not easy for Donna. We just lost our fridge, which is being replaced today, and we are in the midst of painting, so the house is in chaos. I hope Donna doesnt have too hard a time of it.

Playing games.

Recently my son introduced me to a ‘real time’ war game called Age of Empires. It is very clever and I have thought about wars and society in different ways since starting to play the game. I am no good at it because I haven’t got the drive to plan battles that wipe out my opponent. I normally try to set up a defensive military and then build the more ‘positive’ aspects of my society. I found that interesting and I suppose I patted myself on the back that even in a game, I am still a pacifist. Then I noticed that when I set up a strong defensive position, the computer eventually masses an enormous military force and breaches my defenses. I can normally fend the troops off but if there is ever a second attack, I lose interest in the game. In some ways I guess this is because the thought of death and violence upsets me, but then I thought, since this is a simulation of what might happen (I know, quite a stretch) in real life, I should continue and see how I resolve it. However, I can never be bothered. This morning, I suddenly realized that a reason that I do this might be that I can not stand to lose control. In fact, I think in many ways, the reason that I enjoy working with computers is that I enjoy being in control. I can’t even imagine how I could live a life where I had no control. What would that be like? I will have to spend some time trying to imagine it.

First day back at work

Yes, that day has finally arrived. I had a nice week off. When I look back we didnt really do much except fix things around the house. It was so hot that we were very unmotivated. Lucky we had the pool. We were in and out of it about ten times a day.

I really enjoyed going to Syndey Uni yesterday for the Open Day for Karl. It brought back some great memories. I will have to go visit him at the Uni some times. Karl is doing Science. He is hoping for the Advanced degree, but even if he doesnt get the UAI for that, he can still do the subjects he wants to do at advanced level. If he gets the marks he requires, then it will be easy to upgrade the degree later on.

As you would expect, I have a lot of catching up to do at work, being first day back. I shouldn't really be doing this, but I would like to get into the habit of writing something every day.

Here are some photos of the evening.

New Year's Eve

Well it is NYE again. I always have very mixed feelings about New Years Eve. I would love to join in all the festivities but it all seems so fake. I can't really remember a New Year's Eve that I could call my best ever. I guess I must sound like a real misery guts.

Tonight, we are going to the Fireworks on Sydney Harbour. We plan to leave at about 4pm for the 9pm fireworks and make a picnic at Kurrabba Point, opposite Lady Macquarie's Chair. Donna was hoping her mum would be coming but she has changed her mind and deosn't want to. Karl won't be going because he is working and then going to a school friend's New Year's Eve Party.

This morning Adam and Iwent for a bike ride from Cecil Hills to Prospect along bike tracks. I nearly killed myself :-) trying to keep up with him. I am still feeling sore from it. I think I could use Adam as my personal trainer. Adam was going to go with me on Friday as well until we found out that Lauren is swimming at 5:30 again. Oh well. Back to my slower pace.

Christmas Holidays

I have been on holidays since Christmas Eve. On Christmas morning, while starting the bbq for our traditional Christmas barbecue breakfast, there was an explosion that singed the hairs on my arms, my eyebrows and my fringe, but did no other damage. Obviously, we didnt have a bbq breakfast.

We had lunch with my family at Therese's house. The last few years have been relatively peaceful as far as where we are having christmas since we managed to coordinate with all the in-laws, to have christmas together every second year. Jacinta was pushing real hard on Christmas day to have it in Uralla (mum and dad's place) in two years time. It is a romantic idea, but I can't see it working logistically. Besides the fact of being so far from the other side of the family, there is the extra stress of Christmas, and treading on each others toes as we squeeze into the house, plus, the wide variety of Santa and Christmas morning traditions would cause big problems. I dont think that Therese was too keen either, but I know that Jacinta is really pushing for it.

We spent Boxing Day at our house with Donna's family. Only 12 of us, so not too difficult. It was a full Christmas lunch and by the time we got through it for the second day in a row, we were pretty full.

Since then, we have been catching up with all the jobs that never get done when we are trying to keep up with all the kids activities. I went cycling again yesterday at Horsley Park.

I rode from the car park up to the Radio Antenna. That is the site of the mountain biking for the Olympics. I have had a short ride on the track but it is way beyond my abilities. Perhaps if I drove straight there and started fresh, I might be able to make it around, but I am not so sure. It is a great place to go, especially early in the morning. I often see rabbits, and of course, lots of birds. I will probably go again tomorrow morning.

Christmas Eve

I haven't posted for a while. Things have been busy at home. Karl got his HSC results and did very well. I was so relieved. I think he wouldnt have done anywhere near as well if he had been at a comprehensive school. He reminds me so much of myself in the way he gets distracted and avoids work (like I am doing right now). It is only the fact that the standard he had to work to was so high that he got a good result. I think if he had been the brightest student at a comprehensive, he would have rested on his laurels even more than he did.

Today is Christmas eve and just about everything is organised for Christmas. Thanks of course to Donna. I find her so hard to live with but she does an incredible job of organising the family.

I will be off work till the 6th January. Happy Christmas to anyone who happens by.

The Magic Mirror Technique

I read about this as an opportunity to use the struggles of marriage to learn more about yourself. It is hard to accept that this might be true. It is certainly true that I can learn more about myself by watching how I respond to Donna. I will try to pay more attention and blog about this when I learn something more.

Just before I left for Auckland, I found out that I had won a mountain bike in a raffle at a local photo shop. I was so excited. I have been out riding a few times since then, mostly at 5am after I take Lauren to the pool. I have really loved it. There are so many pluses. Seeing the sunrise, the exercise. I have disovered this really cool place to ride. It was the mountain bike and equestrian centre for the Olympics so there are heaps of tracks. I am just going on the cement ones at the moment but if I get fitter, I may progress to the grass and then even the real bike tracks.

I also found a track that takes me back via Prospect Reservour to my house with virtually no travelling on roads. This is going to be so much fun.

The thing that most struck me about this article was not gullibility, but rather how sad it is that people would be so poor that cutting off their hair for $4 would be worth considering. I wish I had a way of showing this to my children so that they would realise how lucky they are.Hair-raising hoax - www.smh.com.au

What a morning. I managed to wake before 7am, which surprised me since my body thinks it is 5am, then had a leisurely breakfast and wandered round the block to what i thought was the office of Wizard in Auckland. I had gotten the address from the White pages on line and since it was only one block from where they had put me up, it made sense. when I got there it was an empty shell. I looked in the paper white pages and they had another address, and I looked on our database on my Laptop and yet another address, that seemed incomplete to me. I called the office and got a recording, so I am sitting here waiting for 9am when they will hopefully answer the phone. I have also sent an email to my contact hoping that he will answer. I have a horrible feeling that I will have an hour drive to where I have to go. Talk about "The best laid plans of mice and men ...".

Well here I am in an internet cafe in Auckland. I am feeling tired but it is only 5:42 to my body. I will be going back to the Hotel to have dinner soon, then I guess I will probably watch a movie. It feels really strange being here and not knowing anyone. I dont really want to spend a whole lot of money so I can't really go to a bar to meet someone. It is not something that I really feel all that comfortable doing anyway. I am staying at the Quay West Apartments which are two minutes walk from the harbour.

I am sitting at the International airport waiting for boarding. I arrived at the designated 2 hours before and was amazed that it took 45 minutes to get through check-in and immigration. Standing in line for most of that time.

I am catching myself feeling a sense of self-importance sitting here with all these jet setters. It takes quite an effort to remind myself that there is nothing about traveling overseas that indicates that I am better than others. It is funny, I think I spend a huge amount of my mental effort convincing myself that I am special. This tends to be by constantly comparing myself with others. When I realize that I am special and loved by God, regardless of what I do, it is very confusing. It requires me to rewrite the tapes that I play to myself as I wander through life. One that I am trying out at the moment is to focus on another person, and imagine that they are part of me. However, I tend to mainly choose attractive women and so my reflection gets distracted by lust.

I am also annoyed with Donna. I can understand that she is jealous and annoyed that she will have to do more work with me away for a couple of days, but it is like I can’t show any enthusiasm for the trip without her getting angry. If she had the chance to do something like this, I would want her to have a good time and enjoy herself.

Off to New Zealand

I am off to NZ tomorrow morning for two days at our office in Auckland. It will be nice to visit the offices there. This is my first 'overseas' trip for work. I may get to go back again when we implement the software, but I cant imagine many more trips while working for Wizard.

Apparently I will be staying in apartments about two minutes walk from the harbour and five minutes from the office. I dont know how much free time I will have but I will have tomorrow afternoon anyway. I get there at 4:30pm, although who knows how long it will take to get through customs.

I got really angry (mostly internalised) this morning about the most ridiculous thing. Lauren had been playing games on my phone and had left it on a chair. I left home without it and realised before I got to the station that I didnt have it. I was really angry with her for not putting it back. Pretty silly really because it was me who forgot the phone.

Donna says I am a very grumpy person. I am not sure. I think that I repress my anger. Perhaps not as well as I would like. I have a lot of trouble with anger. I guess I am probably over sensitive to it.