Family losing its race against time - World - www.smh.com.au: "Terri Schiavo"

This really is tragic. I hate the way it becomes entertainment for the masses though.

I also hate catching myself feeling some sort of 'joy' (not the right word really) that 'my side is winning'. I don't have a side and can relate to the tragedy on all sides, but I still find a part of myself feeling this way.

These things really expose the ugly side of humanity.

Da Vinci Code's 'lies' - Books - www.smh.com.au

I guess this is hardly a detailed report but it seems to leave a lot of questions unanswered. It is interesting that the Cardinal suggests that Jesus having a child with Mary Magdalene amounts to defamation!!! This says more about the mind of the Cardinal than it does about Jesus.

I have no idea whether the story in the gnostic gospels is correct or not. I can't see how anyone living today can know the truth. I have to question why the church is so violently opposed to the possibility that the alternate story might be true.

What a day we had yesterday. We started the day at 8:30 with a trip down to Homebush. Lauren was swimming in the National Open Championships and Adam was running in the State Athletics Championships. They were scheduled to be competing about 15 minutes apart. Luckily, it is only a five minute walk between venues.

Lauren realised half way there that she had left her swimming costume at home. Well, the stress levels of everyone in the car went up a few degrees. Luckily, the Speedo shop at the pool was open and we were able to buy a pair of cossies (full price of course). Lauren swam a (post heart attack) PB which was great. We didnt have time to see her afterwards as we had to race off to the track to see Adam compete in the 2km Steeple Chase. We made it comfortably, and watched him do a PB as well. We went back and picked up Lauren and then drove home. Half way home, Lauren realised that she had lost her (new) cossies. We couldn't just turn around, as we were rushing home to drive Karl to work.

I dropped Donna off and returned to Homebush with Lauren. Luckily, we were able to find the cossies and returned home to recover.

Adam had to go back to Homebush for another event later in the day, and we also had to drop in for Donna's brother-in-law's birthday celebration. Donna went to the athletics and I took the girls to the party. We couldn't stay long though, because Donna and I had tickets to see Niel Diamond in concert at ... Homebush. He was on at the Superdome.

We arrived at Homebush in plenty of time. We allowed ourselves two hours for a leisurely dinner and stroll to the venue. We got free parking and managed to get a table at The Brewery. We bought a bottle of wine (no queue) and sat down to have a glass before getting a meal at the bistro. We hadn't really noticed, but a whole lot of people arrived after us. I got up to line up for our dinner. I knew there might be a problem when I saw the queue at the bar. I went over to the bistro queue and decided it didnt seem too long. After fifteen minutes and virtually no movement, the kebab stand out on the street started looking good. So here we were, sitting down with our bottle of Chardonnay, eating kebab's out of a bag dressed up to go to a concert. Not what we had in mind!!

The concert was great and overall it was a good day.

Mouse will have brain of human - Unusual Tales - www.smh.com.au

Now this scares me. I shudder at the thought of what could be done with this technology if it succeeds. Where would the line be drawn if an animal, exploited by farming (or whatever) had a human brain? Very scarey!

Today, I went through the trauma that every parent faces eventually. Karl's first driving lesson.

It turned out quite well, but I was certainly glad when it finished. I'm sure it will get better every lesson.

Habib: more revelations 'may have to come out' - Anti-Terror Watch - www.smh.com.au

It is almost impossible to know the truth of this case, but I am stunned how easily the media, government and many in the general population have been happy to jump on the bandwagon and vilify this man with no evidence. I read somewhere else that this is the new McCarthyism. Accuse someone of being sympathetic to Al Quaeda and all of their rights can be waived. It seems like we are happily jumping back fifty years with our civil rights practices.

I am reminded of Martin Niemöller's poem about Nazi Germany. We have to protect the rights of all people.

First they came for the Jews and I did not speak out - because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for the communists and I did not speak out - because I was not a communist.

Then they came for the trade unionists and I did not speak out - because I was not a trade unionist.

Then they came for me and there was no one left to speak out for me.

Louanne visited Nicola on the weekend and here she is proudly showing off Sienna and Gianna 

I am amazed sometimes at how things work out. I have a suspicion that the saying "There are no accidents" is true, but being a sceptic, I have trouble believing.

Last weekend I was at a party when a discussion turned to home schooling. I mentioned a friend of mine who is homeschooling his daughter and that he had investigated lots of computer software packages. The woman I was talking to expressed interest, so I offered to find out some details. He replied immediately and invited me to join a discussion group with several other internet friends who used to meet regularly but had lost touch over the past 18 months. It seems the group had only just reformed. I had only spoken to him once in 18 months, yet here I was contacting him at just the time when they were starting the group again.

Sometimes I wonder if these things might not be happening all the time if only I was looking properly.

Boy, 7, thrashed for not eating cheese - National - www.smh.com.au

I don't know how we change attitudes like this. This is far more extreme than anything I experienced as a child, but this sort of thinking was a product of a past era. I certainly remember being forced (emotionally rather than physically) to eat things I didnt want to eat. Although there have been many changes for the better, we still have a lot of room to change more.

The Center for Global Development | 2004 Ranking The Rich

What a great measuring stick for the impact of developed countries on developing countries. It does a great job of explainging the issues too.

I read that all is as it should be and that I Iack for nothing. Yet, in my gut I feel an emptiness, a longing, for contact. I hear and understand that ultimately, we are all alone and that is our natural state. So why do I have this unfulfilled longing for physical and intellectual union with others. I am told, and sometimes know, that there is no ‘Other’ and that all is one, yet so often it is impossible to believe this. If this truly is the Way, why do I seem so lonely? And yet, when I stop and breathe, and ask myself the question, “What is missing from this moment?” I have to answer nothing. All is as it is.

It is amazing how centring a simple breathing meditation can be. And yet, in the business of life, I can often go far too long between meditations.

Today, I was reading about a woman who organized a plane load of drugs to be sent to Aceh. I hear this and think how little I have really done. Sure we gave money, and we will probably give more, but I could have done more. Actually, it is not too late, yet what am I going to do?

I seem to live with the illusion that I am powerless, that I am bound to Donna and family, and that is my reason why I can’t do so many things. It is very convenient!

My help with the Tsunami

I was thinking that the only thing I could really offer was money, then it occurred to me that perhaps my interpretation skills might be useful. Then it occurred to me that if I could be helpful I should offer myself. I even thought that my work would contribute some of my time perhaps matching my holiday time. I sent an email offering my services, not really expecting anything, but of course, I started immediately daydreaming myself into hero status. I am not sure whether I would really be going for them or for me. I guess, if someone thought I could help, I would go regardless.

Anyway, it doesn't look as though my offer is being taken up. Oh well!

New Year's Day
I don't normally place a lot of importance on New Year's Day. As a day for change, I dont think it is any more significant than any other. Lots of people have been saying, "I hope next year is better than this year for you". In many ways though, I think of last year as being one of the most blessed of my life. Firstly, Lauren miraculously recovered from her heart attack. We discovered how many people cared enough about us to offer support. We met many people going through similar trauma and our hearts were touched by them. I have had a new perspective on life. It is far easier now for me to focus on Now. Whenever I look at Lauren's trachea scar I am reminded how close we came to losing her and that I should not let a day go by without living it to the full.

Donna and I went to the movies on Saturday night and saw The Notebook It is a beautiful movie. The scenery, in South Carolina was fantastic, and the 40's setting was beautiful. I can really recommend it.

One interesting thing was that it dealt with dementia. I have had two grandparents who had dementia as they grew older and Donna often expresses her fear, as I get vague, that I might suffer from it too. It was tragic to see the husband of the women with dementia and how much it hurt him to live with it.

Very touching movie though.

I was sent a link to this when I signed an internet petition about the injustice of mandatory detention. Refugeeguarantee.com.au.

It bothers me that Australia has come so far from the days in the seventies when we welcomed boat people. The fact that an issue like this barely rates a mention, makes me despair for the heart of the nation.

Perspective

I am finding myself surprised at both ends of the spectrum at the
results of my experiments in awareness. It is amazing how many of the
things that I do I do out of unconscious habit. And also, how even
knowing that, I continue to do it. Is this the nature of humans or
not? I guess it would have to be not, because clearly somepeople are
able to maintain awareness and are able to be extremely effective.
Even in non-awareness, the difference between someone who does
something (anything) well and someone who does it poorly is enormous.
If one person can do it well, surely anyone can. How much of my life
do I spend asleep. Missing opportunities to communicate with my
family and others I meet, being distracted from what is important.
Letting negative thoughts, foods, excesses of any type invade my mind
or my body. It is funny, even this message, I really started typing
just so that I could add something to this blog. How important is it
really? I find it a useful way of channeling my thoughts but does it
do me (or anyone else) any good? Who knows. I doubt that anyone else
ever reads it. If that is true, then it must be for me, I think I do
get something out of this because it focuses my thoughts and forces me
to be more disciplined (only a little bit). However, I think I
unconsciously hope that I am going to touch someone by my writings and
reach out to their heart. But I don't think I really want to do that
to make anyone else feel good, only to massage my own ego.
Now I find myself reviewing this to decide whether it is worth
publishing, (and trying to find where to make a new paragraph, because
I have been told that this is too long for a paragraph).

Love, God, Self, Connection

I have noticed that recently I have been quite disturbed. I find
myself searching the eyes of women that I casually come across in my
daily travels for some form of intimacy. When I make eye contact and
get a smile, I find myself feeling good. Perhaps I read it as a sign
that I am still attractive, perhaps I briefly fantasise about some
imagined future with this person who (being a fantasy) is perfect and
will provide me with the fulfillment I seek.

I remember the strategy in Core Transformations of asking myself, what
is the higher purpose that I am striving for when I ....?

In this case, it is Oneness with that other person. It is funny that
I am only looking for 'Oneness' with women who are attractive to me.
You would think that if it really was Oneness that I was seeking,
then, being a spiritual thing, physical appearance would not matter.
Another way of looking at it might be to say that I am experiencing
Lust.

If it is Lust, then what is the Higher purpose that I am seeking?

I suppose it would be Love of Self and pampering Self.

What is the Higher purpose that I achieve, by pampering myself?

Feeling/experiencing/knowing the sense of being loved.

What is the Higher purpose that I achieve, by experiencing being loved?

Knowing that I am acceptable.

Who to?

To myself, to God, to others I meet.

I am not sure why, but it seems that I am still affected by Lauren's illness. It seems that Donna and I have been more significantly impacted by this than has Lauren herself. We both seem unwilling to do anything more than what we need to do to keep the family going. This blog is an example of that. I have hardly posted since Lauren got out of hospital.

Starting to get back on top of things

Lauren had a good week last week. She went to school all week, and although she was tired by the end of the day, she made it through each day. She is really anxious about tomorrow when she goes to get her defib checked out again. This was when she was put back under to get the leads adjusted. I think she will be much more relaxed once she has done that.

we are starting to make progress again with our painting and with the work as Treasurer of Smithfield. All such mundane things, but it just seemed impossible to do any of them until this last week.

I'm still feeling very flat. It seems strange to me that over two months after Lauren's incident, I am still disoriented and not back in a routine. I suppose you would call it post traumatic stress. I think that Donna is also feeling down at the moment. We had a week holiday last week and that was good, but I think we needed far more than that.