It doesn't seem to matter that my head is conscious of awareness. In a way it does, because when I see myself engaging in my longings for a different future, I am able to pull back slightly. But I still find myself constantly dreaming of that future when things will be better than they are today. When I won't have to spend most of my non-work time running after children. When Donna won't be trying to control my life, when I will have an intimate relationship where heart speaks to heart (and body to body of course). I can understand that by living in this imaginary future, I am denying my present, yet I continue to do it. How strange.