It suddenly occurred to me that I have a real fear of being controlled. Perhaps that is why I have such an issue with authority. I resist Donna trying to control me so strongly. I love using the computer because I feel in control. I like to help people with computer problems because I am competent and in control. I resist parties etc because I cant control the conversation. I may be taking this too far, but it is worth considering.

Lauren has settled in well to her new coaching squad and is starting to improve her times again. She is off to Hobart next week for the All Schools National Swimming Championships. She is close to some of the qualifying times for Paralympics but not there yet. I think her attitude has improved a lot. Earlier I think she just assumed she would make it. More recently, she has realised that she needs to work hard to achieve anything.

Karl continues to spend more of his time doing music and other activities than his HSC. He is involved in Antioch and as you would expected, he has gone straight into a 'leadership' role even though he is one of the youngest there. He started doing guitar lessons last week. Apparently this is in preparation for a weekend that they are running in July. It wouldn't surprise me if he was competent in such a short time.

I am up to my eyeballs in testing for some new software that is due to be released in July. It looks like it is going to be really successful.

I notice as I reread this and other contributions that almost all of what I call 'My Life' is really the things that I do for the kids. Most of what I do for myself is in my head. Books, websites, computer programs, daydreaming, hypnosis and people watching. I guess this is typical for an Introvert, but it doesn't quite seem right! Sometimes, I look at this as not doing anything for myself and resent the people around me (Donna and the kids). It seems obvious when I think about it that I do do plenty for myself.

We went up to Newcastle Hospital to visit Nicola and Gianni last week. She is well and hopefully is home from hospital today. All of Nic's kids were down in Newcastle to visit when we went there. It was great to see them all. They were staying at Ronald McDonald House and having a great time. I had never really thought about it before but it provides such a wonderful service for families who need to be near their sick relatives. We felt so comfortable there and were really pleased for Nicola and her family.

Lauren has had some turmoil recently, with her coach Vanessa announcing that she was going to move to Toukley. We were given only one week to find new coaching. This was very annoying for us and upsetting for Lauren. Thankfully we have found something convenient and it may end up being better for us than Emerton in the longer run.

Nicola had a baby girl yesterday. Gianni. She was born with Downs Syndrome and had to have an operation for a problem in her duodenum. I am feeling very heavy on their behalf as I think about what they will have to deal with. Especially as they already have 5 kids under 8. I cant imagine how they will find enough time for the kids, let alone each other.

Lauren has been competing at the State Championships the past week. She has done incredibly well. She had a very full program and we were concerned that she wouldn't last the whole week. Today is her last day and so far she has done all PBs or just over and has had one third, 4 fourths and 2 sevenths. This in an open field that includes four people who competed at the World Championships. She is very happy with how she went.

It is my boss's first day back at work after being off since the 20th December. I have done a lot of work on the report and expanded it dramatically. I am confident that I have done a good job, but my confidence took a dent. It is also Donna's first day back at work today too. She has been on tenterhooks, for months because she is uncertain about her future since she was employed to fill a maternity position. The person she replaced has made no effort to return or even make contact and it is past 12 months now, so Donna will be sorting out a permanent position this week. I know she will feel a lot more relaxed once she has done that. Both Lauren and Adam are on Camps this week, for swimming and rugby league.

I have been busting a gut this last week to get a report I was working on finished. I thought I had done a pretty good job of it, but my boss wasn't impressed. Unfortunately, I don't take criticism well, so I was pretty upset by his comments. I was able to convince him that not everything he said was valid but still, I thought I had finished and now it seems I haven't.

Donna and all the kids but Karl have gone to Coffs Harbour for the week. Karl had to stay in Sydney because he had a Maths Assessment for the HSC and he is performing in a Christmas Concert at the Town Hall on Thursday night. So far it has been good having just Karl around. Even though he has mainly been doing his own thing, we have been eating together and talking more than we normally would. It is hard to let go so that Karl can make his own decisions, but it is good to see that he is making good decisions.

I just started reading The Story of My Experiments with Truth which is M K Ghandi's autobiography. I have always admired him but even so, I am pleasantly surprised at how interesting it is to read. I will probably read other books while I am reading it, but whether I am reading for pleasure or inspiration, it is a good read.

Lauren returned from Darwin having had a great meet. She did 3 PBs and got 3 medals. She is having an easy week this week then back to normal training next week.

The kids are on holidays at the moment but of course Donna and I are both working. Karl is going to take them all to the movies later in the week.

We decided last night to try to get tickets for the Grand Final but there were no groups of 4 (the girls aren't interested) available at the moment. I have to get on the phone on the dot of 9:00am this morning to try to get tickets as they are releasing some more tickets today.

I have decided to go on a diet. I am going to lose 10kg by 8th December. I have never really tried this before, though I have eaten the meals that Donna is cooking when she is on a diet. I find that I maintain my weight pretty well, (it has only gone up by 3kg in the past 8 years) but I could definitely afford to weigh less. I have been doing a whole lot of work with NLP and have struggled to come up with a Well Formed Outcome to work with.. A brainwave came to me on Saturday that this could be one.

On Saturday, I worked on a Swimming Carnival at Homebush. It was really strange because neither Donna or any of the kids were there. When I agreed to help out, I expected that Lauren would be going, but she decided not to with the Darwin trip and all. Anyway, I normally work Meet Manager on the computers, but on Saturday I got to do the Main timing/scoreboard computers. It was not that difficult but swimming officials tend to treat it as a sacred trust that can only be performed by ordained ministers of swimming. There were lots of jokes about how quickly I had gotten my referees ticket, it was really funny.

Lauren is in Darwin at the moment, swimming at the National Schools Championships. So far, she has a silver and a gold medal, but she won't finish until Wednesday.

Karl is half way through his Year 11 end of year exams at the moment. Hopefully he is doing well, but from the amount of studying he is doing, he shouldn't be.

Rochelle is continuing to enjoy her Clarinet practice and is really good at doing her practice every day. She is starting to sound quite good.

Adam has started playing touch again for the summer.

I am still reading Peace is every Step but I am also reading The God of Small Things.

As usual, we are spending a lot of our time taking Lauren to swimming and all the other activities the kids do. Lauren swam in the Disabled State Championships on the weekend and did well. She swam one PB and all the rest of her swims were very close to her best.

Tonight Karl is performing in the School Variety Night. He is performing in the Senior Band and the Stage Band where I think he is going to be singing. He is also singing a solo "The Rainbow Connection". Unfortunately, Adam has a variety night on as well, where he is performing in a vocal group, so we have to split up. I will be going to see Karl and Donna will be watching Adam.

Rochelle is playing Clarinet in her school band. It is still early days though and of course she is a long way from performance level but she is really enjoying it and making good progress.

Donna is working more and more. She is still not permanent, because the lady she replaced was on Maternity Leave has not committed to whether she is coming back. I think she will feel a lot better when she does.

I am reading Peace is every step by Thich Nath Hanh at the moment. It is a book on Buddhist meditation in a busy western society. It is very uplifting. I am finding that it fits very closely with the things that I have already been reading in Awareness.

Yesterday, I downloaded The Divine Office for Palm Pilot. It has the readings of the hour plus the daily mass readings and the saint of the day. I am not sure how often I will read it but it amazes me what you can get.

Work is going well. I am enjoying the work and the people are good. It has a very positive feel about it and there look like there is plenty of work available.