Playing games.

Recently my son introduced me to a ‘real time’ war game called Age of Empires. It is very clever and I have thought about wars and society in different ways since starting to play the game. I am no good at it because I haven’t got the drive to plan battles that wipe out my opponent. I normally try to set up a defensive military and then build the more ‘positive’ aspects of my society. I found that interesting and I suppose I patted myself on the back that even in a game, I am still a pacifist. Then I noticed that when I set up a strong defensive position, the computer eventually masses an enormous military force and breaches my defenses. I can normally fend the troops off but if there is ever a second attack, I lose interest in the game. In some ways I guess this is because the thought of death and violence upsets me, but then I thought, since this is a simulation of what might happen (I know, quite a stretch) in real life, I should continue and see how I resolve it. However, I can never be bothered. This morning, I suddenly realized that a reason that I do this might be that I can not stand to lose control. In fact, I think in many ways, the reason that I enjoy working with computers is that I enjoy being in control. I can’t even imagine how I could live a life where I had no control. What would that be like? I will have to spend some time trying to imagine it.