Another test.

I have just discovered that blogger now allows me to post to my blog
using email. I suppose the main time that I will use that is when I
have my laptop but I am away from the net. I think that will be good
because I would often like to post when I am on the train and unless I
write it in a Word document and paste it, I can't do anything.

Although we have started the readjustment process, there is still a long way to go. Donna and I both spent most of the weekend at the hospital. However, we managed to get a break when we went in to the city to watch Karl performing in "A Touch of Broadway". This was done by his musical society from the Uni. We had a dinner at a Korean BBQ restaurant before hand and even managed to win the raffle. It was a wonderful break. Therese stayed with Lauren while we went there.

Both Donna and I are back at work today. The grandparents are taking turns to look after her during the day. The worst of that is that the specialists come during the day and we have to rely on the questions that they ask. Tomorrow both of us will be there while the Angiagram and other tests are performed. Hopefully we will get a chance to speak to the Heart Specialist while we are there tomorrow.

Readjusting to work/life after three weeks of hospital is far more difficult than I expected. This is my third day back in the office. I am still spending a lot of time explaining to people what happened. I am struggling to focus enough to concentrate. Hopefully, that will improve very soon as I catch up on my sleep. Because there is still some uncertainty about when I will be off in the next week or so, it is difficult to plan. Also, I find my focus drifting to Lauren and the hospital several times a day.

It is difficult not to get annoyed at the people, who don't want to know anything except the brief "She is going to be alright" I guess they find it to distressing to consider what she has been through and still has to endure.

I can't believe it is now over a month since my last entry (26/4/04). I am working on an account of Lauren's trauma which I may insert in date order but I am not ready to publish it yet.

Lauren is now in Westmead and recovering her strength while she waits for the tests and for the defibrulator operation that she needs.

Last night was the first night since Lauren's heart attack when I have slept at home and hopefully, Donna will be doing tonight. This is my second day back in the office, but I am not really handling a standard load. The other guys in my team have been fantastic.

Yesterday Donna, Lauren, Rochelle and I made the trek to Bathurst for Fintan's baptism. It was great to see everyone. We really don't get together often enough. I always enjoy it when we do, but it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities and never end up seeing each other except for baptisms Christmas and First Communions.

We left Sydney at about 10:30am and had a fine trip until Lawson when we hit traffic. This was a combination of local Anzac Day marches and roadworks that had not been removed for the weekend. We spent about 40 minutes in bumper to bumper traffic. Once we got past Katoomba, the trip was smooth. We stopped at Golden Arches in Lithgow for a snack and ran in to the Lee's. We arrived at about 2pm. Therese and Phil had come up, as of course had Mum and Dad, and Jac and Brad. Surprisingly, Therese and Phil didnt stay for Mass. They went home just before Mass. Considering we got home before 10pm, I thought it weird that they would come all that way and not stay for the Mass. The baptism mass was great. An old Irish? priest said the Mass and really made it seem personal.

Tickle: Social NetworkingI got hooked in by the IQ test on Tickle - it used to be Emode- and discovered their Social Network. I signed up and invited a couple of people on it. I have checked about three times since yesterday. It struck me, and I guess it is one of the attractions and the things that I am looking for, that I use the internet to try to create connection. Through this blog and the other one I have, and through the various mailing lists I am on, I am trying to create a connection with others. Some would say this is to replace something missing in my personal relationships, but I think that any relationship can only satisfy that need we all have in us for a limited time.

Yesterday I watched the Parramatta Manly game in a corporate box. I was invited by my connection in Smartline, a company that rents us software. They got the tickets as a thank you for donations they make to Bear Cottage at Westmead Children's Hospital. The Children's Hospital received the corporate box as a donation from a corporate sponsor.

I was struck by the amount of work that is done via philanthropy and how it goes round in circles. None of the people in the box had actually personally donated to Bear Cottage - they may have, but they were not there because of their individual donations - yet this sort of thing seems to be an intrinsic part of the fundraising process for charities. I am still trying to decide what this means.

I’m back at work now after a quick trip to Nicola and Jeff’s for Easter. We left Sydney at 6:00 on Saturday morning, without Karl, who for whatever reason, decided he didn’t want to go. We had a great trip up there and arrived at about 12:30pm. It was meant to be a surprise for Nic for her 40th, but since we all arrived at different times, the surprise was just about who would turn up. The rest of the family were all down at the beach, so we followed them down there, but all decided to come back for lunch and go down again later. Their house is about 3km out of town on a ‘rural’ estate. All the houses are on 2.5 acre blocks and all have been built in the last 2 years. They are on the starting slopes of a big hill on the road from Crescent Head to Kempsey. Their place backs on to a swamp and there is a wide open space about one kilometre across and about two km wide that is used as grazing land. Kangaroos sun themselves in the paddock and sometimes come up onto their property. Nic and Jeff have a great balcony overlooking this swamp and of course, we ate most of our meals out there. Everyone enjoyed looking for kangaroos and picking them out. I think the novelty has worn off Nic’s kids though.

Mum had warned me that the house was only just habitable, but I was surprised at how much work still has to be done. Obviously it is a big improvement on the small place they had in Kempsey, and even their place in Dubbo, but it will take Jeff a long time to finish it all off. None of the architraves are finished, and so the painting has still to be done. Everywhere I looked I saw something that would take at least a weekend to finish. Brendan and Chiara are both playing weekend sport now, so I imagine both Mum and Dad will be required for that. I wonder how Jeff will be able to juggle being a dad and building a house.

We were able to sleep on the floor in a room that has not been furnished yet, but Pat and Jacinta stayed in a unit in town. I’m glad we stayed in the house, because otherwise we would have missed most of the opportunities to spend time with them. Although Pat and Jac both spent a lot of time at the house, they missed out on breakfasts, and chats late in the night and all those things that you get when sharing a house.

Jeff had planned for a bonfire on Saturday night and started it at about 4pm. The kids loved it and of course, we had to watch closely to make sure they weren’t setting fire to the place. Nic had made up some dough and they put damper on a stick and roasted it over the fire. We barbequed marinated chicken (probably not that common among stockmen) and had hommos dip. It really felt like we were roughing it out in the middle of the bush – with the added benefit of a comfortable bed.

It was great to see Gianna. It is easy to forget how clearly she has the characteristics associated with Downs. It is really striking with her bright red hair and blue eyes. Nic told us that they are certain now that she has the more severe form of Downs. They are spending a lot of time teaching her to sign as well as to talk. Apparently, children with Downs often have trouble speaking and they have a lot of frustration because they can’t communicate their needs. Sign language can bridge the gap while they are learning to talk. It is interesting to compare Gianna and Danielle. We saw Danielle on Friday and Gianna on Saturday, so the comparison is inevitable. Danielle is clearly far more aware than Gianna, but I think she is less verbal than Gianna. Danielle is further advanced in standing up, but not a lot further. Gianna is two months older than Danielle. Considering her condition, it looks like she is doing very well. I think it will be difficult for Nic and Jeff in trying to determine what they can reasonably expect of Gianna. There is a fine line between encouraging her to do all that she can, which is probably far more than most kids with Downs, and making her feel bad for not being able to do things. From our experience with Lauren, I think kids with disabilities are consistently underestimated. Unfortunately, too many children fall to the level of their parents and teacher’s expectations.

Therese and Phil surprised Nic with a visit, arriving as we were eating dinner on Sunday night. Daniel had stayed in Sydney, and Emily and Joel had already come up with Jacinta, so they were driving only with David. Apparently, it was a last minute decision after they had had lunch with Tony Lorizio. It was nice to see them too but it was a pity they didn’t arrive for Saturday night.

Coming home yesterday, we had a great trip except for one section where we were caught in bumper to bumper traffic all the way from Bulladehlah to Karuah. What is normally a 20 minute drive turned in to an hour and a half. It turned out that there were a few reasons. An accident that closed the Gloucester road had added more traffic to an already busy Pacific Highway. There was roadwork on that stretch of road and several overtaking lanes were blocked – even though no work was being done over the weekend. It tested our patience, but we all survived with very little damage.

As always happens when I travel to an idyllic location, I start to wonder about the possibility of moving there. Crescent Head really is a beautiful spot. I started to think about telecommuting, and how often I would need to travel to Sydney. Of course, Donna burst that bubble by bringing up schools, and Lauren’s swimming training. Still it is great to dream sometimes.

I had a strange day today. My childhood memories of Good Friday were a bit morbid I guess. It was like we weren't allowed to do anything enjoyable or happy. Of course, we always went to the 3pm service but even before that, I seem to remember that we couldnt really play games or watch TV or anything.

Because we are going away for the weekend, and Donna wanted to spend some time with her family we had lunch today. It was all fish etc, so we didn't 'break the rules' but it was a really nice meal. You could even technically (at a stretch) say that we complied with the 'fasting' too, because we didnt have any dinner. It was a good day.

My apologies to Tim Dunlop, who writes a great weblog, but the main reason that I am doing this is to try to figure out trackback. Although I do recommend this article.

On Monday I went for my annual (it's actually been longer but that is the theory) skin check up. As I expected, I had several skin spots removed with Nitrogen spray. Naturally, people at work have been asking what is wrong with my face and hands - the blisters are a dead give away- and it has surprised me how few people seem to be aware of the dangers of skin cancer.

In the last two days I have had reason to attend two church services at non-catholic churches. Rochelle recently joined Girls Brigade, which is associated with the local Baptist Church. She joined with the two girls across the street. We were thinking that Guides or something like that would be good for her and coincidentally, two girls moved in across the road and she has been friendly with them. They invited her to try it out and she has really enjoyed it. They had a special service yesterday where they sang a song they had been practicing and we were asked along to see it. It was very interesting. There was almost nothing by way of symbolism or ritual. they had some great music and some prayer that was not particularly unusual to us. They had a great sermon with the use of a Powerpoint presentation and a film clip and some other visual aids that had a really powerful and effective message attached to it. It reminded me of my puzzlement that Catholic churches do not make use of this sort of stuff. I think they think it is unholy or something. There was no communion service, but there was a cup of coffee afterwards. I found it very enjoyable.

Today, on the spur of the moment I popped in to 12:30 Mass (you might as well call it that) at St James Anglican Church. It was held in a beautful chapel called the Holy Spirit Chapel. There was a group of 12 of us there. I found it very touching and comfortable. It is surprising how similar it was to a Catholic Mass. Actually, in many ways I thought it was better than most masses I have attended.

It is amusing, considering that I have recently lost all sense of obligation to attend Sunday Mass and have only gone when I have had a specific reason to go. I find that I am celebrating God with every breath that I take, and only feel that it would be good to attend mass regularly if it were more of a community.

Even in the darkest days, my hotline to God was never disconnected - Opinion - www.smh.com.au: "We witnessed the advent of jumbo jets, the computer"
This article by Michael Kirby really touched my heart. Far too often, we put principles ahead of people.

Lauren had to race down to Homebush last night because we discovered at the last minute that she was a reserve for the Final of the 50 Metre Butterfly. She loved it, but I think it showed this morning because she was a little tired. So far she has swum 3 PBs and one just over.

Lauren's results from Nationals. She is doing well. Many of her times are not her best ever, but they are improving and looking good for the future.

On Saturday I started preparation for painting the Kitchen and Family Room. I have a feeling that this is the start of a full painting of the inside of the house. I guess we need it. I think it is almost 15 years since we painted downstairs. I am taking three days off work this week to paint. Hopefully I will get a lot done, but Donna keeps raising these other things I have to do. "Adam is going in a triathlon. It will only take two hours" "Can you drop in and buy ... on your way home". Oh, well, I will do what I can and move on from there.

I just arrived in Auckland (almost two hours ago) and amazed amazed at how I have fallen for the hype. It is so easy to think of myself as important because I am flying in a plane and staying at a nice hotel. I went straight from the airport to the hotel to check my clothes in. I caught myself being disappointed because the room was not as luxurious as the one I had last time I was here. Last time I had a two bedroom apartment. This time it is sort of a one bedroom with kitchen facilities and washing machine. Still quite comfortable, but because of my expectation from the previous time, I found myself being disappointed.

I am typing this at Sydney Airport where I am waiting for a flight to Auckland. I will be away for a week, setting up a pilot for some software I am working on at work.

Naturally, this is not easy for Donna. We just lost our fridge, which is being replaced today, and we are in the midst of painting, so the house is in chaos. I hope Donna doesnt have too hard a time of it.

Playing games.

Recently my son introduced me to a ‘real time’ war game called Age of Empires. It is very clever and I have thought about wars and society in different ways since starting to play the game. I am no good at it because I haven’t got the drive to plan battles that wipe out my opponent. I normally try to set up a defensive military and then build the more ‘positive’ aspects of my society. I found that interesting and I suppose I patted myself on the back that even in a game, I am still a pacifist. Then I noticed that when I set up a strong defensive position, the computer eventually masses an enormous military force and breaches my defenses. I can normally fend the troops off but if there is ever a second attack, I lose interest in the game. In some ways I guess this is because the thought of death and violence upsets me, but then I thought, since this is a simulation of what might happen (I know, quite a stretch) in real life, I should continue and see how I resolve it. However, I can never be bothered. This morning, I suddenly realized that a reason that I do this might be that I can not stand to lose control. In fact, I think in many ways, the reason that I enjoy working with computers is that I enjoy being in control. I can’t even imagine how I could live a life where I had no control. What would that be like? I will have to spend some time trying to imagine it.

First day back at work

Yes, that day has finally arrived. I had a nice week off. When I look back we didnt really do much except fix things around the house. It was so hot that we were very unmotivated. Lucky we had the pool. We were in and out of it about ten times a day.

I really enjoyed going to Syndey Uni yesterday for the Open Day for Karl. It brought back some great memories. I will have to go visit him at the Uni some times. Karl is doing Science. He is hoping for the Advanced degree, but even if he doesnt get the UAI for that, he can still do the subjects he wants to do at advanced level. If he gets the marks he requires, then it will be easy to upgrade the degree later on.

As you would expect, I have a lot of catching up to do at work, being first day back. I shouldn't really be doing this, but I would like to get into the habit of writing something every day.